In which I run afoul of a local social etiquette

(disclosure: the pictures included here have nothing to do with this post. They're mainly here because 1: you can never have too many pictures of dim sum and 2: as a gratuitous way for me to show that I have mastered chopsticks or, at a minimum, that I don't poke myself in the skull with them anymore)

Much like Sunday breakfast for many families in the states, here in HK it's traditional for families to go out for dim sum on the weekend. Believing we know a good tradition when we see one, we've decided to make this a weekly event as well.

So the other day we were scarfing like refugees in a place called Chiu Chow Garden (highly recommended for locals and tourists alike) when one of the Girl's friends from business school stopped by our table. I had never met him before and he handed me his card which I promptly put in my shirt pocket. FAUX PAS! FAUX PAS!!

See, here in HK everybody seems to define themselves by what their business card says and EVERYBODY here has one. It's not uncommon for me to be handed two or three a day and I'm not even working!

There are rules for the handling of business cards here. First, it is important when you hand a business card to someone that you hand it to them with both hands. Likewise, when you accept a business card from someone you must take it both hands. And it is VERY disrespectful to take the card with one hand and then dismissively shove it into your pocket without looking at it. This is interpreted as a kind of personal rejection.

This is also something that I had just done to this poor guy. I can't be sure but I think he would have preferred it had I just hauled off and kicked him in the stones. Thankfully, everything turned out alright once the Girl explained that my Asian cultural learning curve is still impossibly steep and that I hadn't meant any disrespect.

This little drama led us onward to a discussion of various things that any westerner needs to know here in HK and, indeed, most of Asia. For whatever reason, much of it has to do with death superstition. People here are really freaked out by the prospect. They seem to dwell on it.
Anyway, I put something together about what I know thus far and I'll call it:

What you should know in order to avoid pissing people off in Hong Kong:

• Don't stick your chopsticks upright into a pile of rice when not using them. When someone has died their shrine will usually contain a bowl of rice or sand with two joss sticks (incense) stuck upright in it. Chopsticks stuck upright in rice is equivalent to wishing death upon someone you are eating with. So, you know, not cool.
  
• Don't give someone a gift wrapped in white, black or gray giftwrap. These are death colors. The same is true for red or white flowers.
• On the other hand, red gift wrapping is perfectly acceptable. Go figure.
  
• Never give someone an odd number of gifts and never give them 4 gifts. Odd numbers are unlucky and four is a death number. 8 is always okay because it's a very lucky number here. And who wouldn't rather have 8 presents than 4???
  
• Don't write someone from Hong Kong a letter in red ink. This signals to them that your relationship with them is over.
• Don't give a clock as a gift. The word "clock" in Chinese sounds similar to the word for "death". The clock is also a reminder that life is tick, tick, ticking away...
  
• Do not give handkerchiefs as a gift. For no reason at all that we can discern. Perhaps because giving someone a handkerchief is tantamount to saying to them "I think very little of you and so I'm giving you this cheap, sucky little handkerchief. Enjoy!" ??
  
• Don't give someone from Hong Kong a knife or scissors as a gift. This represents your desire to "sever" the relationship.
  
• Don't set a teapot down on the table with the spout facing someone who is sitting with you. It should always face out away from the table but not at anyone in particular. If it's pointing at someone it is a subtle way of singling them out for derision.
  
• Don't absentmindedly tap on your rice bowl with your chopsticks. Beggars do this in the street and it is regarded as an insult to your hosts or the restaurant that you're in
• Don't suggest "going Dutch" or splitting the bill at a restaurant. It's an insult and could result in the other person's loss of "face". "Face" is a whole other concept that needs it's own post. For our purposes here we'll call it a loss of respect or standing in the community.
  
• Don't cause someone to lose face by publicly insulting them, reprimanding them or contradicting them.
• Don't mock feng shui. In Hong Kong, more than any other place in Asia, it is taken VERY seriously. Whole buildings are built here with the purpose of projecting bad feng shui toward a company's competitors. The revered architect, I.M. Pei, was hammered when the Bank of China was erected here in HK because of the bad feng shui that it emitted.
  
• Don't show anything other than reverence for the elderly. Too bad this one isn't universal.
  
• Don't give your Hong Kong friend a green hat. This is a way of insinuating that your friend's spouse is having an affair. Seriously. Yeah, I don't get it either but there it is.
  
• Like business cards, always offer people gifts with both hands
  
• Never open a gift at the same time that it is received.
  
• Wait for the host to tell you where to sit. Similarly, wait for the host to tell you when you may begin eating.
• Always use the chopstick rest provided with every meal. Don't ever place them across the top of your plate or bowl
• Tap two bent fingers on the table as a way to say "thanks" when your tea is poured.
  
• Burp during a good meal. It's a compliment. On a personal note, let me just say that I have been on top of this one for years. Always knew it would come in handy.
  

I should point out that some of these aren't quite as applicable to the younger generation. The girl is convinced that giving a 40 year old guy a green hat wouldn't create an international incident. Fortunately, I'm not in the habit of buying other dudes hats anyway so we'll never know. Also, with everything but the most obvious and egregious stuff, exceptions are generally made for westerners because the Hong Kong folks realize that we don't know this stuff.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to buy a a clock, some knives and a handkerchief. Christmas is just around the corner ;-)