In which I need a hobby

So lately I'm starting to go a little batty. I know I won't find too many sympathetic ears from you working stiffs out there but bear with me.

I have nothing to do.

That's it. I go to school in the morning and then try to find things to occupy my time and mind. I do a little shopping for veggies or meat for dinner, do some writing, go to the gym, study my Mandarin, clean whatever needs cleaning in the apartment, do some more writing and then, well, nothing.

Once or twice a week I'll go hiking up in the mountains and every once in a while I still put on Tiger Woods golf to play 18 at Pebble Beach but that's about it. I suppose I could buy more video games but that seems counterintuitive. I tend to think I should do something a little bit more substantial with my time.

It's really not as cool as it sounds, this idle time. I have GOT to get back to work. Hell, I'd be happy cashiering at 7-11 at this point. The problem, of course, is that I can't communicate well enough yet to get a job. Even then my options are limited because alot of places require conversational Cantonese as well. So, for the time being, I have no choice but to try to use my time as constructively as possible in other ways.

Still, after school and the gym and the studying and the shopping and cleaning and hiking and writing and kicking Tiger Woods' ass I still have time to kill before the Girl gets home. So I figure I might as well get a hobby.

Seems I slowed down on the drinking at precisely the wrong time. I could be spending my days at a pub near the harbor pounding Tsing Tao and playing Mah Jongg for cigarettes with grouchy old Cantonese dudes but here I am looking for a freakin' hobby. Seems patently unfair, really. A cruel joke at best.

I've got a few hobbies already but, to one degree or another, I'm bored with them. No, I need something new. So what better place to seek guidance than the internet? If it's on the internet, it's gotta be a sound idea right? For kicks I decided to see if there was some sort of test I could take online that would help me choose a brand, spanking new hobby.

The first website I went to was CNNs "Discover Your Passion" website which consists of a quiz which purports to tell you what you should look into doing as a hobby. When I was all done I hit "submit" and got a pop-up box that said "It's a tie! You have two different personalities, please re-examine your answers".

Alright, I guess I'm not really disputing that I'm a little twisted but it's terribly disconcerting to be told that by the largest news bureau in the world. Well, as long as they don't broadcast it on television I guess....

So, although I really feel it should be CNN's lazy interns that should be figuring out how to get the quiz to work for functional schizophrenics like myself, I went back and changed one of my answers. Having done that I re-submitted my answers whereupon CNN suggested, I swear to God, that I go to a foreign country or perhaps start a travel blog. Riiiight.

Next stop, quibblo.com. I was a bit wary of this site right out of the box as the choices of answers to the first question ("what do you do for fun?") were as follows: make stuff, fight, hit, kick, throw things, hit with sticks, water lover, sing, chilly skater & shoot.

Sure, we all like to "make stuff" once in a while. Why, I even sing on occasion. Can't remember the last time I had fun "hitting with sticks" though. Who the hell are these people?? And it was written in very child-like fashion which is even more disturbing. So, there's a potential psychopath out there or a real one who's giving advice on hobbies. Charming. And, I'm sorry, but "chilly skating"? Who says that?

"Billy, stop kicking your sister - you've got stick-hitting class in 20 minutes and I still have to pick your little brother up from chilly skating!"

I was too freaked out to stick around and see what my hobby was.

Surprisingly, it turns out that there's really not alot of sites out there that will guide you on the path to your dream hobby. I kept searching but nothing was turning up.

It was at this point that I came across all kinds of sites with some really esoteric hobbies. Building wearable computers, online sweepstaking (I guess it's not esoteric- just weird..to me at least), ferret racing, talking backwards and photographing mirrors to name a few.

Collecting was a big one too. Fingernails, condoms, airsickness bags, dirt- you name it. Not sure at what point a hobby becomes a neuroses but there seems to be a fine line.

Still.......ferret racing ay? That's got it all. It's weird but it has a strange allure to it. Plus, there's animals involved so I'd have some companionship. Yeah- that's it -
ferret racing! I've lost a step over the years but if the little fella gave me a 20 yard lead I could give it a shot.

And if things don't work out I could always practice stick-hitting with him.......